the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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