return my video game
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
