when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
