well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
