And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize