I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
