oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
