Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize