ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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