I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
