While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
