Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
