i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
