U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
