70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
