Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
