I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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