i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
