Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
