I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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