so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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