yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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