i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize