the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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