Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
