Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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