we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we're making bets on your personal life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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