My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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