shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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