You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
