her vagine was all disorganized.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
