she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
