I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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