he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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