he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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