My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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