So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
