even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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