we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i need some magic done to my vagina
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
