Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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