I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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