i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
