hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
