Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
