How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
