I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
