he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
