so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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