I hate your face
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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