I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
