it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
