Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
