Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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