it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
