They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
