you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
