i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
my poor anus
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
