did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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