I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
