He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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