just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
