I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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